The Perfect Brew

Benjamin Franklin once said that beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. LUCY CORNE goes in search of that happiness.

Some of mankind’s greatest discoveries have been happy accidents. Newton sat under an apple tree, Archimedes jumped in the bath and about 6000 years ago, some absentminded Mesopotamian left a loaf of bread out in the rain.

For whatever reason, said Mesopotamian chose to eat the soggy loaf and was rewarded with a buzz he felt could only have been a gift from the Gods. Now, if he could only replicate this high, but in a more aesthetically pleasing manner – perhaps in a liquid form for easy consumption?

A romanticised version of this discovery perhaps, but it’s generally accepted that the first beer was not a preplanned event.

I wouldn’t fancy munching on a soggy sandwich, but I wholeheartedly thank whoever it was that did it and later scribbled down what is now considered the world’s oldest written recipe – that for a pint of beer.

Since this fortuitous mishap, brewers across the world have been adding to, adapting and modifying the basic barley, yeast and water recipe, substituting the grain for wheat, rice or millet and adding anything from berries or citrus peel to chocolate, and even chillies and pepper.

Brewing is really just liquid cookery – basic science with a little poetry mixed in. You start with two humble ingredients: crushed malt and warm water. Let them sit for an hour or so to make a mildly sweet, tea-coloured liquid known as wort. Drain and keep the liquid, feeding the spent grain to a friendly pig, should you have one on hand. Boil your wort, season with hops (the brewer’s equivalent to salt and pepper) and simmer for another hour.

Filter then cool your near-beer quickly to stave off bacteria that’ll turn your brew into undrinkable filth. Once cooled, add yeast. Find a cosy corner for your fermenter and wait for the magic to happen.

It takes anything from a couple of days to a couple of weeks for the liquid to transform into fine amber nectar. Be patient, unless you’re yearning for a barely palatable drink high on sugar but low on alcohol. Once ready, carbonate, chill and serve.

Much like national cuisine, beers vary as you travel, from Belgium’s potent, fruit-enhanced varieties to Ireland’s chocolaty stouts. East Asian brews favour rice as their grain of choice. But whether the tipple on offer is an ice cold pint of lager or a milky bucket of low alcohol millet beer, one thing is clear: beer straddles borders more than any other boozy beverage.

Many countries serve up a signature drink, often revealing their prize crop (rice in the east gives soju, sake or baijiu while Latin America’s sugar cane makes rum their pick-me-up of choice). Indeed, a country can be embodied in its symbolic beverage. But wherever you are there’s one drink you’re guaranteed to find in one guise or another, even when the culture dictates it be an alcohol-free version: beer.

So just what is it that places beer among the world’s favourite drinks, right up there with other heavyweights: water, coffee and tea?

For one thing, it seems so much more, well, civilised to invite someone to join you for a beer. Asking acquaintances out for champagne or cognac appears pretentious, cider seems a little bumpkinish and asking friends to join you for post-work vodkas just makes you look like a drunk.

But the question ‘do you fancy a beer?’ almost always seems appropriate, provided it’s in the pm, you’re not driving, taking care of kids or performing keyhole surgery. And beer is such a jack-of-all-trades kind of drink. More refreshing than wine, not as hardcore as whisky, more grown up than juice and more down to earth than a cocktail, ordering a beer just always seems to fit.

Since the fateful day when that loaf got left out in the rain, beer has managed to make its mark on the globe. The humble pint has spawned its own etiquette, given birth to customs both extravagant (Oktoberfest) and sublime (post-work Friday beers). It’s even contributed to the way we speak (see box below)!

In its over six millennia of existence, the amber nectar has caused riots, been used as currency, launched all manner of ludicrous laws and given some of the great thinkers of our time their most memorable citations.

And so to end I will turn to the very apt words of US president Franklin D Roosevelt, uttered as he repealed Prohibition in 1933: “I believe this would be a good time for a beer”!